The future may be bright, she is brighter

I live with someone who is amazingly bitter for being twenty-three years old. How do we get this way? Is it from one tiny misstep that occurred so long ago you can no longer remember when it all began? The slow build up of despair and frustration, creeping up so slowly you don't realize it's happening until it's too late? I know I come off as being naive. I really can't help myself. I know, I know; I've heard it all before: life isn't supposed to be perfect. Even the most carefully laid plans can go awry. Perhaps every person really doesn't deserve his/her chance at happiness. Every time something negative happens, be it a car wreck, a mislaid bill that goes unpaid or losing a job, people shrug and say, "That's life. What are you going to do?"

I, for one, hope to never stop asking, "Why?" Maybe it does make me naive, but naive or not, to me it's better than the alternative. I won't resign myself over to this, to any of it.

And yet I can feel it wearing on my already. Does being in a bad mood and taking your unhappiness out on others make you feel better? Really? I'm really not sure how much longer I can handle any of it before I snap.

The Ongoing Web 2.0 Movement

We had this discussion at work yesterday about implementing social networking and Web 2.0 technologies into our company, and I have to say it was one of the most interesting meetings we've had since I joined the company in July. I think nearly everyone contributed at least something and it was interesting for me to see the varying viewpoints across different age groups and backgrounds. In most of my previous conversations about new media, it's been will all 20-somethings and the professor. :-) But here, I was able to see many different viewpoints. It's easy to forget that there is still a large segment of the American population that does not to the web for news, friends, or research while in college. Because in our age group, that's what everyone does. It goes without saying that when we meet to work on a project, be it at the library or local coffee spot, you're bringing your laptop and DVR. To be fair, not everyone has a DVR, but at Scripps, pretty much everyone sophomore level and up does.

So. In my very jaded perspective, I think all larger companies would benefit from implementing some of these new technologies. Not all, necessarily, but that's the beauty of Internet-specific tools: there is something out there literally for everyone.

Ack, I am going to be late for work... so I will cut this short. With any luck, it will not take me a month to get back to this topic...

November already?

It has been so long since I've last written, yet I feel as though I have very little to say. It seems like that's how I always start out my blog, these days. I work, I sleep, I read. I write. I don't see too many people from school, or Ohio, for that matter, much anymore.

I work. A lot. Like... at least 55 hours a week as of late, so is it surprising that I don't have much to say? Shouldn't be. The only thing I feel like I could write more than a paragraph or two about is books, so maybe I should stop attempting to do a personal blog and just write book reviews instead. It would be a heck of a lot more interesting, and I would have a heck of a lot more to say.

I'm burnt out. I am, however, excited about the fact that I get to decorate my own house for the holidays this year. And about going to Bonner's to buy said decorations.

See, who said I am all pessimistic all the time?

Maybe I will write again in another month when I am not completely exhausted and actually feel like I have some time to myself.

Heh.

Isn't it Ironic, don't you think?

It's funny. Now that I am no longer a full-time student, juggling three jobs with schoolwork, extracurriculars and an attempt at a social life, I think I actually keep this thing updated even less regularly. Go figure.

Life is beginning to fall into a routine, yet I think it's less of a routine than it was before. I mean, sure, the job is basically routine, and it will be even moreso once I am finished with the college grad program in January, but everything else has become more chaotic and sporadic. In a good way. I do a lot more now, socially and otherwise.

I have finally started writing again, not just in blogs or a journal. I read so much now; I can hardly believe I have enough time to read about one novel a week (give or take, depending on the book, of course).

Since getting Chewbacca, I'm more active, too. We go to different parks in the area at least twice a week, which is of course good for both of us. :-P

At the risk of sounding like a real adult... life is pretty good.

Glycerine

it must be your skin that i'm sinking in
must be for real cause now i can feel and i didn't mind
it's not my kind, it's not my time to wonder why
everything gone white and everything's grey
now you're here now you're away
i don't want this -- remember that
i'll never forget where you're at
don't let the days go by, glycerine

i'm never alone, i'm alone all the time, are you at one or do you lie?
we live in a wheel where everyone steals, but when we rise it's like strawberry fields

if i treated you bad, you bruise my face
couldn't love you more, you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by could have been easier on you
i couldn't change though i wanted to could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine don't let the days go by glycerine

i needed us more, when we wanted us less
i could not kiss, just regress
it might just be clear simple and plain that's just fine,
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by could've been easier on you glycerine


-Bush

Things and places I miss in Ohio

A random compilation:

• Being able to walk everywhere in Athens
• Friends, particularly seeing them and talking to them on a much more frequent basis.
• Salaam
• Joseph-Beth
• Sadie and the animals
• Having two license plates (Seriously, Michigan doesn't give you two license plates... how off is that?)
• MY Borders (Yes, it's mine, and yes, I miss it... even if I do work there now).
• The brick roads
• Alden
• Film Fest
• Graeter's
• Marching 110
• The old Front Room, where getting free tea was one of the highlight of spring '06.
• Going to the movies in Kentucky (OK, so not in Ohio -- even so).
• Cross Court and Mountain Laurel
• The Athena and the sticky floors
• GAS PRICES -- they are ridiculous here
• Knowing my way around and actually understanding the politics
• I WILL miss the weather. I already know this because the winters here already terrify me.
• Athens in general; it's so beautiful there, even if it is in the middle of nowhere. I miss the space and am sick of the suburbia that is AA already.
• The Diner
• Skyline. Desperately miss Skyline. Must remember to bring cans back with me when I go back to Cincy again. Yes.
• Newport and the Hoffbrau Haus
• Star and the barn
• The river
• The mound... going there on sunny days was one of my favorite things.


....To be continued.

Conflicted and mostly biased

So, that sums up how I'm feeling right now, but I will update you on what's going on on the surface, at any rate.

I have one more week left working in the stores before heading back to the home office. I have met some awesome people and have really ended up enjoying it much more than I expected to. It has been great experience and I still love basically everything about the company, despite it's many problems. Do I sound lovesick or what? :-P

And Steven and I got a puppy. His name is Chewbacca and he is awesome. He is currently learning how to walk on a leash and is doing pretty well for a ten-week old baby.Enough said. Anyway, my computer is freezing horribly for reasons I don't understand, so I am going to cut this one short. A photo for you, of the new baby:



Until then.

Conflicted and mostly biased

So, that sums up how I'm feeling right now, but I will update you on what's going on on the surface, at any rate.

I have one more week left working in the stores before heading back to the home office. I have met some awesome people and have really ended up enjoying it much more than I expected to. It has been great experience and I still love basically everything about the company, despite it's many problems. Do I sound lovesick or what? :-P

And Steven and I got a puppy. His name is Chewbacca and he is awesome. Enough said.

So I might be ADD, but what else is new?

And that's OK. I... have LOTS to update on, but I would rather do so with photos than a quick post at the end of a very long day. I started doing in-store training this week, and will do so until August 26th. It is taking any energy reserves I may have had to learn all of that new stuff... Sometimes in a good way, though. Sorry my last post was so depressing. It's the truth; it's hard being in a new state without any familiars. So yeah. But I've said and so on; enough is enough. This past weekend was great and I really do need to write all about it. And then write about this week. With any luck, I will do it before next week. (*Wink*).

More later.

Until then, Always.

Ok, I give up on the song thing all the time. When I get off work I am too tired to think...

Sorry. The song thing seemed like such a great idea at the time, but eh. I can just do crappy titles (see above), and if you're still reading this, then who cares, right?

There were so many depressing things in the news today, I don't know where to begin. BP was just given the OK on dumping 50 percent more mercury in Lake Michigan today. Mountain gorillas are being killed in the Congo. Dog fighting doesn't get nearly enough press, and so few people seem to care about it, etc. etc.

Anyway, I don't really have much to say, I just wanted some place to put some random thoughts... And if it sounds like bitching, tough crap.

I'm sick of feeling awkward and not knowing anyone. I may not have had many close friends at OU, but at least I usually had people to talk to. Here, it just gets old. I really, really miss having a best friend. I haven't had one in a while, I don't know when the last time was I had a real, do anything together, always there for you kind of friend. High school, maybe. Probably. And as great as Steven is (most of the time, heh), it gets really depressing after the while. I can't pretend to be care-free and chipper all the time, dammit. The peoiple I work with in AA are great; it's just that... they are all from here, or only two hours away, and they all already have their normal group of friends. You can move on and move out, but it doesn't necessarily change anything.

And so it goes.

It's My Life

Life is settling into routine and patterns. I'm at Borders the majority of my time, and the rest of the time all I really want to do is read and learn how to think again. No, really. Journalism really does that to you -- it robs you of any semblance of intelligence, and makes you a drone so that you may repeat the journalism mantras "truth." "equality." "unbiased reporting." Do you see intelligent diction, research in there? No. So, if you try to use even a relatively complex word, even something like gregarious or gauche, they must be changed to talkative and awkward. No, awkward might even be too complicated for our fifth-grade reading-level audience members -- clumsy.

As I go through and re-read some of my journal entries from high school, I don't remember what some of the words mean. These are words I used on a regular basis in my high school. HIGH SCHOOL. Is this what college does to you? It forces you to speed read literature and text books, so that you memorize fractures of information for quizzes and essays, yet understand nothing. Sure, I was able to read some of the classics in college, and now I can say I read them. But I wasn't able to enjoy hardly any of them, because I was expected to read Jamaica Kincaid in two days; Herman Melville in three. Gee. This must be why children and adults alike no longer quite enjoy reading like they used to. We simply aren't given the chance. Rather than force Shakespeare and Dickens down our throats, why not give students a list of dozens of works to choose from? Let them go out and explore literature, explore the classics and any genre they might be interested in. Maybe then our literacy rates wouldn't be so appalling. Maybe then you wouldn't see I HATE READING in Facebook profiles, or vacant shrugs when asking what someone's favorite novel is.

But, that would be giving us too much freedom, wouldn't it? However would our poor governors rank our schools if not by number crunching and data? If we can't ingest 10 books a year as we choke on them and scrape by on spark notes rather than our minds, what would happen to our fantastic technological advancements? What would happen?

You tell me.


Song: Title, Billy Joel

Final Harry Potter Installment Will Make a Better Film

Ok, if you don't want to know about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows yet, don't read this. But, I finished the book about an hour ago and I have to vent about it a bit.

If any of you thought that Rowling was writing for Hollywood before, maybe you're right, but this book is worse than any of its predecessors. What is the major edge literature has always had, and will always have, over other forms of entertainment? Imagination, of course. Books are able to provide detail, imagery and beautiful language in ways that no other form of media can. Authors can go on for pages about one simple movement and scene. It may only take a few seconds or minutes to play out on screen, but in a book, when written well and played out correctly, a description can suck the reader in so completely, in a way that movies never could. Readers are able to develop personal relationships with the characters and feel as though they're sharing a special secret with the person who brought them all of this happiness and understanding: the author.

Well, Rowling obliterates all of that in her final book in the Harry Potter series. Rowling has never been a spectacularly gifted writer, in some ways. However, she has always used her greatest strengths to her advantage very well. She has a wonderful imagination, and a great part of her success has been in her ability to create such a believable world that she has held reader's entranced for nearly a decade. It doesn't matter if her sentence structure doesn't quite rival Dickens, Wilde or any of the greats of the British Isles. She created immensely sympathetic characters that millions of readers around the world have fallen in love with -- which is why she doesn't do herself, her characters or her devoted fans justice in The Deathly Hallows.

Just spending a bit more time and details on the scenes would have helped. I know she could never live up to our expectations; we all want to much from a series we all feel so strongly about. We wanted, or at least I wanted, a seamlessly tied up story with no loose ends. It didn't have to be a happily ever after, but something maybe a bit better than the last line of "all was well" would have done the trick.

The thing that is most disappointing is how episodic, yet slow, the book feels throughout its 700 plus pages. Readers are more than 500 pages into the book before Harry even finds another horcrux. When she kills off much-beloved characters, she doesn't even sufficiently explain how they have died, or even give very plausible reasons as to why they've died -- other than to add a bit more suspense for Warner Bros. perhaps. She kills off Fred right when he has been reconciled with Percy again. How does he die? Debris falling from the ceiling of Hogwarts. Do we see George after this scene at all, or even hear what has happened to him after the entire Weasley family (or what's left of it) is seen standing over his body? No. There is an epilogue for the "main" characters, albeit an unfulfilling one. I'm not asking for every little detail to be spelled out, but at least to leave out such major characters as George, who Teddy is left living with, and Luna.

Maybe once I have re-read this book, I will feel differently about it. But the whole time I was reading it, I was protesting what was happening. It doesn't sound like Rowling's voice, with characters randomly dying, suddenly, seemingly to add melodrama and suspense. Rather than relying on talent, Rowling expounds unnecessary plot twist after plot twist, leaving readers uncertain as to what exactly the main thread of the book is, other than the final duel of Harry and Voldemort. With Ron, Hermoine and Harry camping for several hundred pages of the book, it's no wonder she tries to add a bit of excitement to the book, but she does so in all the wrong places.

I hope I will feel differently about it at some point. I didn't like The Half-Blood Prince until the second time around, either, but that was mostly shock at the plot, per usual for the series. But with this one, I remain skeptical that I will ever change my mind. There's always a fool's hope...

Song: I know, I know, I didn't do it. Everyone makes exceptions for Harry Potter, though.

Desperate for Changing

There is so much to say, I'm not sure where to begin. It's like Ron says in Order of the Phoenix, "If you feel all of this at once, you'd have to explode." Hermoine replies by saying "Only because you have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon!"

Or something like that.

I am officially moved (to Ann Arbor, in case anyone has forgotten =P). I have been at my new job for two weeks now and I love it. I work with the best people, from my co-workers and managers to people I have met at orientations. Even when the work is somewhat tedious, the people make it fun. And completely worth it. The company I am with now is completely different from my experiences in my New-York internship last summer. There, people either didn't care that I was brand new or didn't realize that I really didn't know the 330,000-person company after working at their headquarters for a week. In Michigan, people have taken the time to really explain things to me. I don't feel like I am stuck in a cubicle by myself, trying to figure things out on my own. And if I don't, too bad. People and help are really accessible here, it's been such a wonderful change. There were a dozens of things and anecdotes I wanted to write about, and now that I have set aside the time to blog, I naturally can't think of many. :-P I wasn't sure I would like the college grad program, but it has been a great experience so far. It's been nice to meet more people my age who have just graduated from college that also may not know too many people in the AA area.

And one of the best things about my job? It revolves around the book and entertainment industry. I get to spend parts of my day discussing Harry Potter, bestsellers and new releases. (Example: last week, I got a free HP7 tote bag. Could things be any more fabulous?). Haha. But seriously, I love it.

Now if only my house would magically unpack itself, life would be nearly perfect in all aspects. Maybe I can find my own Tonks to conjure up a trunk to put hodge-podge stuff neatly way, you know -- the kinds of things I couldn't possibly part with. =P And now, I really should go attempt to be productive. Until next time, then.

Song: "Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse -- I don't care how cliched it is, I will always love this song.

All the roads we have to walk along are winding

We're moving in four days!! Today is my last day at work at the COE, and then I'm just home for the rest of the week, working on packing and cleaning and organizing. All three of which are much-needed -- the house is such a wreck, probably unsurprisingly. So it will be good for me to finally get everything done by Friday, with any luck... on time.

I am starting to get more nervous about starting at Borders, but the good news is that I feel more prepared to leave Athens now. I'll still miss it, of course, but I am looking forward to exploring Ann Arbor and finally being able to settle down, at least for a while. This is the third time Steven and I are moving in less than 12 months, so it will be nice to be able to definitely stay somewhere for at least a year (regardless of whether I end up loving Borders, or being miserable there, heh). I just sincerely hope that the job ends up being worth all of this effort. It has already ended up to be quite a financial burden, so I know that no matter how the job ends up working out, we have to stay there at least for a year to work out more secure finances... and loan payments are coming in less than six months. Ack. So, exactly: I hope it's all worth it. I think it will be, and hey, that may just be optimistic thinking, but so be it. At this point, I have to be. =)

In other news, my graduation party was this past Saturday. It was much better than I expected. I finally got to meet my new little cousin Jacob; he's five months old and a total butterball. He looks way older than five months too, he's quite tall for his age. =) And he is completely chill and smiley and adorable. He wasn't fussy at all, even with 30 Bonomini's, Martini's and others all over him, which is a total disaster for most people. haha. But anyway. I really enjoyed seeing some of the more distant fam I only see about twice a year. Now I've seen them twice in two months because of Lauren's wedding. So yeah, it was good, despite the disastrous food and the fact that a certain Gary was there. haha. Laura and Andrea even came, and it was great to see them before moving. And I got to see Linda last Friday, which was awesome since I hadn't seen her since March. We got to catch up, and I saw her photos from Equador. All in all, not a bad weekend in Cincinnati. That might be because I know I won't have to see any of them for a few months now since I'm moving, but you know. Like I said, I'm trying this whole positive thinking thing out. It was fun because they're such fun people!

Riiight. All right, back to my last few hours of work at McCracken... Next time I post, it will probably be from Michigan!

Song: my favorite Oasis song ever, "Wonderwall"

the things we never thought we could be

It is officially official: we're moving June 30!! Our realtor... err, new land lady, called me today to tell us our application had been approved and we can move to Rice Avenue on June 30! And then I start July 2, whoaaa. And right when I starting to adjust to my job... Harry Potter 7 comes out!!! So totally cannot wait.

So, instead of working on my final two articles for the COE, I am writing about it here. =) I am actually really, really, excited about it now. It is starting to sink in a bit, me thinks. My HR person called me today, too and asked if I would like to get involved in the College Graduate Leadership Program at Borders, so I'm doing that now, too. As far as I can tell, it's a six-month program that pairs each recent grad with a mentor from another area of the company to learn, bond, all that good stuff. There are 12 people in the program, including myself, so it will be cool to get to know some more people my age -- and people outside of HR and the Communications departments. We will also be learning about different aspects of the company by working in the flagship store in Ann Arbor to really get a feel for the company. So basically, it sounds a lot like the intern stuff I did at IBM, which is cool, because that was really helpful. It was the only way I ever met anyone except for my office mate, which is great because I still keep in touch with a few of them today, thanks to Facebook. =P

On to the house. I basically described it in my last post, but I am just really happy we found a place that works so well for us. Oscar can come, it has a garage and it's getting new carpet and wall paint so it's quite livable. Now if Steven could only find a job by the end of the summer, we would be set for a while. It looks like the month of July is going to be pretty awesome: it's Steven's birthday, my grandpa's 80th birthday, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is coming out and Order of the Phoenix is coming to theaters! I just started re-reading the series again two days ago (am on Prisoner of Azkaban now) and it has completely renewed my obsession. If Snape ends up being evil though, man... he better die. In the wise words of Stan Lee: "'Nuff said." And I still think J.K. Rowling will come back to the series and do a prequel, after her next book bombs. Because it will; how could anyone ever top debuting with Harry Potter? Exactly, she couldn't. I mean, everyone will buy it because of Harry Potter, then realize that HP was 100 times better and she will have to write another one in 25 years. Yes, we have it all planned out.

Now I will stop rambling. Moving in nine days, whoo hoo!

Song: "Here is Gone," Goo Goo Dolls

Closing Time

So, I am moving to Michigan in two weeks (13 days, if you want to be technical). I can still hardly believe it; it's happened so fast. In less than three weeks time I had my job interviews and then the job offer from Borders... and they wanted me to start about two weeks from that time, haha. Obviously finding housing in a town I am completely unfamiliar with was a challenge, let alone when you want to find a place that will let you move in in less than a two-week notice. But, we basically made it happen -- I just had to push my start date back from June 25 to July 2. Not bad, I say.

Anyway, Steve and I just got back from house hunting in Michigan and it went pretty well, given all the excess baggage we have with our animals. =) We looked at two house -- both horribly expensive, but not for Ann Arbor and are currently in the process of signing the lease on one. It's in Ypsi, has a two-car detached garage, full basement, three bedrooms, one and one-half bath. It's pretty decent for a rental; I will post photos eventually, if I remember. =P Now I am just tying up things here in Athens -- packing, seeing people that are still around and finishing up my last three articles for the Athenaeum.

More detail later, for now I am too exhausted to really think about. Until then.

I Will Buy You a New Life

Tomorrow I turn 22 and I am graduating from college. Yesterday I had my third and final interview to work at Borders Group, Inc. in Ann Arbor, Michigan. The day before that, I took my final final as an undergraduate and turned in my final final essay. =) It's such a strange feeling, and I know so many others in my position have been talking about the same thing, but I have to say it once more, if only for my benefit: I can't believe it's over.

And now it seems that all that's left to do is wait and see where life takes me. I think, no matter what happens, I am going to end up making one of the hardest choices I've ever made in my life. If I stay here, I know I will be happy in my personal life; I'm content here, at ease with the way things are going.... but I know if I stay I will always wonder what if and maybe never be truly content again anyway. I also know that moving to Ann Arbor would be incredibly difficult. Just the thought of moving makes me depressed, just completely lethargic. =/ Steve and I are just getting settled at 682, and now I might have to pick up again. I am so tired of living one year at a time, in a different place, constantly moving but always staying in the same town. It's the worst feeling. I thought when we moved to 682, we would definitely be here for a few years and that I really could settle down. I was wrong, of course. That wouldn't be so bad if I thought that I could move to Ann Arbor and be done with it... but if I moved there, that wouldn't be permanent because I would only be living in a rental for one year, two years, who knows? before having to pick up again and make another choice: either really start my life in Michigan or move again. I know there is no way I could move into a home permanently this summer. Even if I could afford to buy a home, would it make this any easier? Probably not. Don't get me wrong: I love to travel, and if I had it my way, I would make sure to go to at least one new place or country every year. But that doesn't mean I don't want a real home, too. Am I really asking so much? I hate having to choose between my dream job and staying with the one person who always makes me happy, no matter what. I know if I asked him, he would come with me, but I don't want that. Steve is so happy here; he loves his job, he loves our neighbors, and he is really excited about starting grad school in the fall. I can't ask him to move, even if he has offered to come with me. It's not fair to him, or us. But it wasn't fair for me to think I could be happy staying in Athens either, when career-wise, there is nothing for me here.

After seeing Ann Arbor and meeting my prospective co-workers and supervisors, the choice seems that much harder. I guess a part of me was hoping once I had been there, I would see it really wasn't that great. Haha. But everyone was so open and friendly and immediately easy to talk to... I know what you must be thinking: why are you worrying about all of this already when you don't even know if you have the job? Well, because there is a very strong possiblity I AM going to get the job. You know I am not cocky, or even confident, most of the time, but Borders really has rushed the application and interviewing process for me and been up front with how much they like me from the beginning, that's why I think they're going to offer me the position. It's such a strange feeling: I don't think I would have the strength to turn the offer, but I am not sure I will have the strength to go, either. Who knows? Maybe I won't get it, anyway.

Waiting really does suck.

Song: "I Will Buy You a New Life," by Everclear

Movin' Out

Hey I'm posting and it's not Sunday, whoo hoo! OK. This weekend was awesome. Steve and I went to see Abby and Joel in Mt. Vernon and it was a lot of fun. We visited Kenyon on Saturday; the campus is absolutely beautiful. Abby works at the Columbus Zoo, so we were able to go for free.

I'm home now, and I can't believe it is the last week of classes before exams, and graduation. It's so crazy. I say it too much, but I can't say it enough. I've had two very promising interviews, although neither for positions in Athens. One is in Ann Arbor (With Borders) and the other is for an internship in Cincinnati. Even though I would hate to move so soon, again, and fairly far away, I think I would accept Borders if I got the position. I've had two interviews so far, but we'll see. It's basically my dream job, I just hate the thought of moving yet again. The internship is a last resort. With Steven still in Athens, I'm not sure I want to leave. But I may not have a choice. It's just terrible timing -- we literally just moved into this house about a month ago. I am completely tired of moving; I keep telling myself, maybe this will be the last time... or this will be the last time.... and it never is. We keep moving, every year. Now that we're graduating, I thought it might be different. We could actually stay in one place for a few years, at least. Now... who knows?

Song: Billy Joel, "Movin' Out"

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

So let go and jump in... it's all amazing

My sister's married; I still can't believe it. It doesn't feel like such a long time ago that she was calling me up and telling me about this guy she had met Hoffbrau Haus. But it was nearly fours ago and now Lauren has become Lauren Blackburn. It's crazy. It makes me feel so old, and I of course teared up like the biggest baby in the ceremony. It's crazy. How many times can I say it's crazy? MY sister is married. Wow.


And the whole experience was so much more fun than I thought. OK. I know that people should expect weddings to be fun and blah blah blah... but those people do not know my family, haha. Especially when you have to be in the wedding, because then it is so much more stressful. But it was amazing. Not picture perfect of course -- there was more than a couple of snags =P -- but Lauren was beautiful, (although the photo on the left isn't the best choice, haha), everyone had fun, etc. etc. And it turns out, Steve looks pretty good in a tux, haha.


See? I was pretty proud of him. =) Anyway, I know I always just write in this thing on Sundays.. my fabulous way of procrastinating, but sometime I really will get around to actually writing in this thing through the week. I will go on and on all about the wedding I'm sure. But for now, I think the visuals speak pretty well for themselves. Now that wedding plans and craziness have cooled off for a bit, I will have more time! Oh and one more thing: title, from Frou Frou's "Let Go." I guess I should start some homework tonight, since I'm about 150 pages behind on stupid "Between the Acts." I didn't know Virginia Woolf could be so painful... Til next time, then.

Feeling short of stable

I've decided to try and do my blog titles from song lyrics. This one's from "Shimmer" by Fuel, one of my favorite favorites from high school. I can't remember the last time I heard the song but I can still replay the lyrics in my head, verbatim. Yes, quite a talent; I know.

So back to my real topic: My epiphanies come in shifts. For weeks I will just go on, sometimes trying not to feel, sometimes feeling too much and thus acting like a crazy person and usually, worrying way too much. And when I can't stand it anymore, I over think things and obsess, and then come my wonderful, sudden streams of thought. My latest is how about how I deal with other people -- so awkwardly that it's no wonder I have no real close friends, that I have no one to call a best friend. I'm graduating in less than a month, my sister is getting married THIS weekend, I have no job and I have no idea what I am going to be doing after June 8th. But for some reason, mostly what I think about right now is how much I miss my friends. Silly, right? I've been thinking about it a lot lately. One day I will love not knowing what I am doing, and pretending like I am totally free, like I really, honestly could do anything I wanted with my life. But, most of the time, I just get really stressed about how I'm going to find a job and a way to pay for this house, or grad school... and in the back of my mind, constantly... I have no one to share all this crap with, except in brief stints, because I have no single, consistent friend anymore. Not one. This may sound like a pity party, perhaps it is. I just can't help it sometimes. Usually I can keep myself occupied enough, but then a moment will steal upon me where I will remember what it used to be like. Well, that's why I created a blog no one really reads anyway, HA HA.

My monthly book list again, behind schedule. So this basically counts for April, with the first week of May thrown in:

Books I've bought:

1. "The Golden Compass," Phillip Pullman
2. "Between the Acts," Virginia Woolf
3. "Wide Sargasso Sea," Jean Rhys
4. "A Voyage in the Dark," Jean Rhys
5. "After Mrs. Rochester," Polly Teale
6. "No Telephone to Heaven," Michelle Cliff
7. "A Passage to India," E.M. Forster
...I can't remember, maybe a few others

Books I've read:
1. "A Passage to India"
2. "Wide Sargasso Sea"
3. "A Voyage in the Dark"
4. "After Mrs. Rochester" *Started
5. "No Telephone to Heaven" *Could NOT finish... too depressing
6. "The Gunslinger" and it's awesome
7. "Equal Rites" ...finally finished and it's awesome, like all Terry's are.

See, I am totally getting better.

Updates, the highlights

It has been an embarrassingly long time since I last updated this, so here goes: Steve and I have officially been in our new house for eight days, very exciting. I basically love it -- Oscar is here with us finally, which makes having to drive to campus worth it. =) Plus, it's nice to get away from things for a while.

I got into grad school and will be starting in August, so that's good news. At least now I can definitely stay in school forever, and that somehow makes things ok seeing as I can't find a real job. Heh. Only one more month of school left as an undergrad, and I cannot wait to be finished with Ohio University. It just keeps getting worse and worse -- bloated administration salaries while the professors are paid below the national average and programs and events continue to be cut -- the latest being the Spring Literary Festival. This is the last year they're having it, how awful is that? And after that announcement, our president had the audacity to ask the professors in the English department to help fundraise for the university. Last time I checked, that wasn't in the professors job descriptions. Yeah, I really do hate our current administration. Perhaps he is a nice guy, but he does not know how to manage a school. It's utterly incompetent.

And on that happy note... I'll leave you. =)

Weddings and Weekend Happenings

It seems like everyone is getting married these days, so Steven and I gave in to peer pressure and set a date. OK, not really, but we did finally set a date. We're getting married next April, planning on the 26th. We're going to have the ceremony at Galbreath, and the reception will either be in Walter's rotunda or one of the hotels in Athens. So that's pretty awesome. Lauren's getting married next month, someone else in October, another friend in December, and Abby's getting married next spring, too. Things will definitely be busy, but finally in a good way.

Speaking of Abby... she's coming to visit today! I'm excited. Now that she's in C-bus permanently, I don't get to see her as much, which is actually pretty silly seeing as she's only 90 minutes away. But anyway, the weekend is off to a good start, and it looks like it will just get better. So, I should clean before she gets here, so it looks like I'm going to cut this one short.

More later.

frustration and I feel old

We'll do it someday, Steven.

New season, new quarter

I have decided to do a reading list once a month, so here goes:

Books bought in March:

1. "Lords and Ladies," Terry Pratchett
2. "Witches Abroad," Terry Pratchett
3. "Equal Rites," Terry Pratchett
4. "The Gunslinger," Stephen King
5. "Anansi Boys," Neil Gaiman
6. "Darcy's Story," Janet Alymer
7. "A Long Way Down," Nick Hornby
8. "Jane Eyre" (second copy), Charlotte Bronte
9. "A Picture of Dorian Gray" (second copy), Oscar Wilde

Books actually read in March:

1. "The Big Over Easy" by Jasper Fforde
   
2. "Jane Eyre" * Started
   
3. "A Picture of Dorian Gray" *Started
   
4. "Equal Rites" *Started
5. "Darcy's Story" *Started

OK, so the numbers don't exactly add up... but hey. I bought more books than usual this time, because I got my tax refund, haha. Besides, I don't really think you can be a healthy reader unless you purchase more books with the best intentions, but can never possibly read them all. I will get there, some day. I still have books I bought in high school I want to read, and haven't read yet, and books I want to re-read, and so on. But anyway, I thought doing this about once a month would help me keep track. It's still awesome because I rediscovered Terry Pratchett and how wonderfully witty and hilarious he really is. So I still win. Now on to the real post...

• • •

Sometimes, I just want to write stuff like this:

Today I bought index cards. A dog barked and growled at me, then ran away in fear. I love English classes. I hate work, most of the time.

But I won't.

However, I will do a few, quick updates. =) Steve and I got the house, we're moving in May 1. It's crazy. It's exciting, but it's crazy. Mostly exciting, though. I can't wait, somewhat because I'm really excited about really having my own space, but mostly because I will finally have Oscar with me and I won't have to drive home all the time for a cat. hah.

I am also really excited about my final quarter as an undergraduate. I am taking all English classes -- I had the first two today and they're pretty awesome. I get to read stuff of Oscar Wilde's, the Bronte's and Virginia Woolf's -- honestly, how could they not be? I know the quarter is going to be stressful, but not because of classes really, more because of my sister's wedding and all of those preparations, moving halfway through the quarter, and working 30 hours a week. If nothing else, it will be interesting. Speaking of stress and never getting a break, I am going home this weekend, yet again, for Lauren's first wedding shower. Yes first. She is having three....

Still, I suppose now is the time to indulge her as she is getting married. heh.

Soo excited

OK, OK. I know I do this to myself all the time, but this time I don't think it's too premature.

I hope not, anyway.

So I just have to say it: Steve and I found a house!!! It's about a 10-minute drive from campus (far enough away to feel like we're not stuck in the colloge town bubble but close enough to not be out in the middle of nowhere, hehe). It's a three bedroom, one bath and pretty much perfect for us. It has off-street parking, a little yard and a creek in the back, and I'm allowed to have my kitty and other pets.

It's pretty much a win-win situation all around. Anyway, we will found out by the end of next week if we definitely get it. We have made it to round two (i.e. we have the wife's approval and now just have to meet the husband, haha). The problem is that they wanted to fill the house starting next month, and we can't move in for a few more months... but it's a small, family owned type of rental, so they are sort of particular who they rent to and seemed to really like us. Plus, she seemed really really nice.

Keep your fingers crossed...

(*Still Super Excited*)

The Legend that is Zelda....

OK, really. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, is seriously the craziest game ever. And by craziest I mean the most frustrating, most difficult, most fun and most exhilarating game ever.

This is my first Zelda game, and my first 3-D game, so I can see why I would have more difficulty with it than most people. But still, Zelda is tough! I am 5 1/2 hours into the game and I am just now really getting started, i.e. I killed the little baby boss and then three creatures of twilight at once and now I'm collecting the Twilight insects. So see, I think that's exciting. Another friend of mine was waaay farther than that by five hours into it! Things just take me forever to figure out, such as... how to walk in a straight line, or ride Epona. Fun stuff like that. Haha.

Basically, it's the end of the quarter and I am obsessed with my Wii, so all I want to do is play it instead of say, write final papers or study for exams. Hence my last few entries have been all about it! What can I say? Once lame, always lame, after all.

Bleh. I will actually write a real entry sometime soon. Say, after March 15th. Then I won't be so busy, or crazy, or neurotic from stress, just suffering from my usual neurosis instead. =P

Welcome to the Real World

Wow... this week could not get any crazier.

On Tuesday I had a job interview for a copy editing postion with The Athens Messenger, and less than 24 hours later they called and offered me the job! So now I'm quitting my PACE job, quitting the graphics lab, and this is my last quarter with Speakeasy. It's all happened so fast I still can't get over it. I'm excited, and I'm terrified, and I'm overwhelmed... and I can't believe it.

I know it's only 24-30 hours per week and that I will still be taking 12 credit hours and what not, but I can't help feeling caught unawares. I just thought I wouldn't have a "real" job until at least June, and now I'm starting in March instead. I'm afraid that it will ruin my last quarter in college, and I'm afraid that I will be so busy that all I will literally do is go to class, go to work, and sleep... and perhaps put work first and then fail and not graduate. Heh. OK, I hope nothing that serious. But still. I mean, everything feels so final now. Now, I am definitely staying in Athens, and now, when I thought I would be finished in June, I'm going to be here another four to five years. And the worst part is, I still don't know how I feel about that. Regardless, I keep moving forward, and really thinking about what I want out of life only complicates things and makes me feel sick, so then I just go with the flow. Go with the flow. Go with the flow... and then I am generally happy.

In other news, happy news: I love my Wii. Really. It's pretty much awesome. Marvel: Ultimate Alliance is totally disappointing. The player control is just a little weird and the screen spins practically uncontrollably when you play with more than one player... But Zelda is awesome, Steve loves Call of Duty 3 although I have no interest, and Wii Sports is probably my favorite just because they're so fun and simple. I love no-brainers, what can I say? =P

And now... I can't wait to get Sonic and the Secret Rings and some Mario games!

Wheee

In an attempt to compensate for my inability to maintain a friendship with anyone for longer than like a month, except maybe people out of state, and certainly out of the country, I have decided to buy my first gaming system since the Sega Genesis.

Needless to say I am super excited about it. I am buying it with four games, but I already have a list of like four more that I really want to get. Luckily, a few are from Nintendo Game Cube, and others don't come out for a few more months.

So, I really really can't wait.

In other news... this weather is really starting to get to me (SAD, can you tell?). It's making miserable and now I never want to leave my room. That's healthy.

Anyway, my order is officially processing as of today, so with any luck, I will get it over the weekend!! Yay, seriously can't wait.

Zelda, Ultimate Alliance... here we come. =)

Nathaniel Hawthorne's Wise Words

"The effervescence of youth and passion, and the fresh gloss of the intellect and imagination, endow them with a false brilliancy, which makes fools of themselves and other people. Like certain chintzes, calicoes, and ginghams, they show finely in their first newness, but cannot stand the sun and rain, and assume a very sober aspect after washing-day."

--Describing the Daguerreotypist, at age 22,
in "The House of the Seven Gables"--

Studying Abroad

I studied abroad at the University of Wales, Swansea in 2004.

At the time, I thought I was special, and lucky to be able to go. But I think I was wrong. Anyone can do it. And so many people do today -- just check out Facebook, so many people I know, and don't know, have pictures of themselves all over the world, with one of the most popular destinations being the U.K. There are pictures that are identical to mine in every way -- except that another person is standing where I did, once.

Pictures of another guy in front of Stonehenge or in front of the Roman Bath in, you guessed it, Bath. You would think I would be happy that other people can share in some of the amazing experiences I was able to have. But I'm not, not really. It just makes me ache. I miss it, and I wonder if I could ever be that happy again.

When I started college, it was my dream to find a job in the U.K., get a flat in London, and live there. It's amazing how quickly your plans can change. And now that I know the U.K. is out of the picture, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life.

Eh. In the wise words of Orson Scott Card in his best book ever: "Life is vile, but at least I'm one of the chosen victims."

Kitten War

OK, so it doesn't quite beat snoods, but this is pretty much the most adorable, addicting thing ever.

Thank you, Nick Glutz.

Public Speaking: A Communications Major's Worst Nightmare

So... I am a journalism major. I report what I see, then interpret it and write it down, so that others may experience, learn about, or understand something new. As such, I should be an effective communicator, right? Because... that's what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life.

Well, you would think.

I have to be one of the worst public speakers, ever. Literally. It is my worst, and most irrational, phobia. When I was in high school and I had to read papers I had written to my English classes (or mythology, or creative writing, or any other course), I would stand at the front of the classroom, face bright red, sweating, with trembling hands. Then I would take a deep breath and plunge in. I would do a 10-minute speech in about three minutes (no exaggeration). I would stutter and speak quietly. And then I would rush back to my seat and not look at anyone until my heart finally sl0wed to a relatively slower, and less erratic, pace.

It wasn't until my senior year of high school that my AP English teacher would interrupt me and tell me slow down, and speak louder. And she made me do it until I got it right. While it didn't exactly help with the phobia, I did learn to speak a little bit less quickly and not quite so quietly -- otherwise, the torture would just last longer.

Well, I think in the last two years I have made a lot more progress. It started when I finally took speech my sophomore year in college. I had just gotten back from studying abroad in the U.K. and the experience had allowed me to gain confidence. I had grown accustomed to foreign and sometimes uncomfortable experiences while in Europe, and it helped a lot in speech.

Don't get me wrong -- I still speak too quickly (My 10-minute speeches run at about five or six minutes now), I still get completely flustered and turn a new shade of pink, but... I don't stutter I don't shake, and I occasionally look up from my papers. =)

"It's getting better all the time..."

Heck, give me another five years, and I bet I'll be up there with George Bush.

heh.

With liberty and justice, for all.

Muslims everywhere may have celebrated when Mr. Keith Ellison was elected Minnesota's Fifth District House Representative, the first Muslim ever elected to Congress, but that doesn't mean everyone is thrilled about the November 2006 election results.
Virginia Rep. Virgil Goode was one such person. The Republican went so far as to condemn Ellison's use of the Koran when swearing in, saying he should use the Christian Bible. Goode reportedly claimed it was against our country and Founding Fathers to swear in the anything other than the Bible. Irony of all ironies, Ellison swore in successfully this week using a copy of the Koran once owned by Thomas Jefferson, a New York Times article stated.

I'm sure Mr. Goode embarrassed his constituents just as much as everyone else in the country. The Founding Fathers, last time I checked, include the same people that wrote The Declaration of Independence and The Constitution of the United States of America. Sure, you could be cynical and believe that the Founding Fathers truly only meant all white men when they said "We believe in certain unalienable rights...that all men are created equal." But I don't think so. There is more than one reason that this country was founded in the belief that citizens of the United States have every right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And that includes the freedom to practice any religion we choose.

Electing Ellison to Congress is just the sort of step that allows our democracy and country to continue to grow and change. And it might seem radical to some, but it is nowhere near as radical as writing that all men are created equal in the 18th century. A few days ago The Times had another article about monumental moment where Goode finally shook Ellison's hand. Whoo hoo right? Well, that doesn't change his initial reaction.

Relationships Epiphany

In my experiences, people are extremely touchy when it comes to relationships. OK, I can hear you now: "Thank you, Captain Obvious!" But really. If you're in a relationship, that automatically means that you cannot say anything negative about being romantically involved because that's "easy for you to say." We're called hypocritical, if we say that relationships are tough. At least we have someone. Well, I say that's ridiculous. Relationships are hard work, and it is very hard to find someone that cares for you the same way you care for him/her. What happened to the old sage saying, "Everyone is entitled to her own opinion?"

Whether or not you are in a relationship is irrelevant. What does matter, is being able to back your arguments -- whether it be through experience, research or something else. And, after being in a relationship for about three years, as a result of my experiences, it is very hard work to stay with someone, to stay seriously committed to someone. Imagine finally discovering that someone you have had a crush on for months is attracted to you. You start dating, only once you start dating you have to keep the feelings mutual (i.e. if you decide it's love you better hope your partner feels the same way). You could fall harder, while your partner can simply fall out. Or, he/she wants to relax and see other people, when you're ready to move in, or get married. I hope you get my point. And that is why I think relationships are tough. And yes, at times, they do suck. But in the end, I hope it's worth it.

So I finally succumbed...

Well, everyone's doing it, so why not right? Just kidding. Actually, after being told by numerous professors, editors and prospective employers, I have decided to start a blog. It should be good for me anyway. Everyone needs some kind of a creative outlet, and since I have been keeping a journal since the second grade, I decided it's time to add a second way to ramble. Now I can share it with you all!javascript:void(0)