Feeling short of stable

I've decided to try and do my blog titles from song lyrics. This one's from "Shimmer" by Fuel, one of my favorite favorites from high school. I can't remember the last time I heard the song but I can still replay the lyrics in my head, verbatim. Yes, quite a talent; I know.

So back to my real topic: My epiphanies come in shifts. For weeks I will just go on, sometimes trying not to feel, sometimes feeling too much and thus acting like a crazy person and usually, worrying way too much. And when I can't stand it anymore, I over think things and obsess, and then come my wonderful, sudden streams of thought. My latest is how about how I deal with other people -- so awkwardly that it's no wonder I have no real close friends, that I have no one to call a best friend. I'm graduating in less than a month, my sister is getting married THIS weekend, I have no job and I have no idea what I am going to be doing after June 8th. But for some reason, mostly what I think about right now is how much I miss my friends. Silly, right? I've been thinking about it a lot lately. One day I will love not knowing what I am doing, and pretending like I am totally free, like I really, honestly could do anything I wanted with my life. But, most of the time, I just get really stressed about how I'm going to find a job and a way to pay for this house, or grad school... and in the back of my mind, constantly... I have no one to share all this crap with, except in brief stints, because I have no single, consistent friend anymore. Not one. This may sound like a pity party, perhaps it is. I just can't help it sometimes. Usually I can keep myself occupied enough, but then a moment will steal upon me where I will remember what it used to be like. Well, that's why I created a blog no one really reads anyway, HA HA.

My monthly book list again, behind schedule. So this basically counts for April, with the first week of May thrown in:

Books I've bought:

1. "The Golden Compass," Phillip Pullman
2. "Between the Acts," Virginia Woolf
3. "Wide Sargasso Sea," Jean Rhys
4. "A Voyage in the Dark," Jean Rhys
5. "After Mrs. Rochester," Polly Teale
6. "No Telephone to Heaven," Michelle Cliff
7. "A Passage to India," E.M. Forster
...I can't remember, maybe a few others

Books I've read:
1. "A Passage to India"
2. "Wide Sargasso Sea"
3. "A Voyage in the Dark"
4. "After Mrs. Rochester" *Started
5. "No Telephone to Heaven" *Could NOT finish... too depressing
6. "The Gunslinger" and it's awesome
7. "Equal Rites" ...finally finished and it's awesome, like all Terry's are.

See, I am totally getting better.