When Winter Comes, We'll Leave Behind Us...

I'm wondering if wanting a thing too much ruins it. If somehow the yearning gives it away. Suddenly you're found out, so the situation, the thing, loses its luster. People can see you in your eyes, that you want it too badly, and it either scares them or disgusts them. Either way, it's gone.

I am torn constantly between a fear of settling for what I have ... of it not being good enough, and the worry that I am ruining a good thing because I don't know how good I have it.

I'm not much for logic. This is readily apparent to anyone who has known me for longer than five minutes. The things I value, my personal moral system, if you will, is what drives me. I know what is it important to me, even if I'm terrible at math, systematic reasoning, what have you.

I struggle to compromise on these things of importance to me. Perhaps I don't want to compromise. I don't think I am a terribly black and white person, but there are certain things you simply don't do if you really care about a person and there are certain ways to show that you really do care.

But I don't want this to be it. There should be more than this. I don't care if it's naive, or too idealistic.

I want it all, and I'll be damned if I don't at least try.

Your feelings can't be that dulled, you can't be numb to it all.

I know it won't always be the first, it can't always be the first, or all new for you. But it should be the best, the World Series kind of thing... whether you say it is or not.

I'll keep trying, I have to. Otherwise, it's really not enough.