A vile, chosen victim of life

My favorite Orson Scott Card quote of all time is from Enchantment. "Life is vile, but at least I'm one of the chosen victims." Every time I become down about something, so down that I can't remember why I bother, I usually remember that quote. Some might say it's entirely pessimistic, but to me, it's purely realistic. Life can be vile and awful. But yes, I really do realize that it can be beautiful and wonderful too. I always try to remember that I am just lucky to be alive. It can be hard, though. It's hard when you see bliss all around you, in simple smiles that another couple may share, in a laugh between two friends. In a glance between two people that make them look like conspirators, lovers, so different from most glances my fiancé throws my way. I crave affection and someone who loves me enough to show it. I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask? Why do I always feel like everything I ask for is too much to ask? Cause really, it shouldn't be.